Crazy Things Parents Text! - Exposing all those Funny texts from when parents text.

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More Funny Text Messages From Parents!

Comments: 191


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lauren72 (17 Points) (+45, -28) 3 years ago

So what are you trying to say, since both my kids were c-sections I'm the mom of two blood sucking parasites? Nice and they are still suckin the life out of me 20 yrs. later lol




Doc (18 Points) (+37, -19) 3 years ago

Consider telling them to get jobs then.


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373 (-5 Points) (+4, -9) 3 years ago

Well said.




KittenMonger (3 Points) (+10, -7) 3 years ago

kill your kids and eat them for nutrient. you will gain super powers for the vagina.


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258 (2 Points) (+18, -16) 3 years ago

No, it's not a type of symbiotic relationship. It's the opposite of a symbiotic relationship. It's a parasitic relationship. That's why it's called a parasite.


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Namelesskitty (-3 Points) (+5, -8) 3 years ago

Parasitism is a type of symbiotic relationship FYI ;)




Lebowskidude (-2 Points) (+4, -6) 3 years ago

In a parasitic relationship the parasite gains at the host's expense. So no. you don't know what ur talking about :)


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Arnold S (7 Points) (+35, -28) 3 years ago

It's not a TUMOR!


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cwolf (1 Points) (+6, -5) 3 years ago

He responded to, you know, an actual comment. Jesus guy was clearly trolling. Welcome to the internet, you just lost a point.


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Unicorn (-5 Points) (+2, -7) 3 years ago

Yes. It will change after time...both will be the same terror. ;)




IV (11 Points) (+18, -7) 3 years ago

well my sis and i were c-sections and we're both junkies. My brother, on the other hand, was natural, and he's dead.


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KittenMonger (-1 Points) (+2, -3) 3 years ago

your daughter is a alpaca in hiding. do not trust her...


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Frodo (14 Points) (+23, -9) 3 years ago

Ok honestly? i'm assuming that you are from across the sea to the west of U.S I'm not going to guess the country because i don't want to stereotype but if this is true, and you are making that kind of mean (insinuating you are at least intelligent) then you should understand that things are spelled differently over here. just because the word "tumor" does not match your spelling for it, does not mean that we (all americans) are moronic. i mean the least offense possible when i say that it in fact makes you the moron for not understanding that. p.s - father pwnage




Frodo (0 Points) (+7, -7) 3 years ago

apologies i meant east not west




whatever (7 Points) (+9, -2) 3 years ago

You just didn't go far enough around.




Stimpson (8 Points) (+16, -8) 3 years ago

Frodo - kudos for really not thinking through your troll Whatever - a wonderfully middle-ground response - are you a parent by any chance? Gurnicus - clearly a materialistic pedant with nothing better to do than argue the toss over Anglo-American linguistic differences (an unending argument which can go down several routes including the wholly viable "American English, and the East coast accents therein, are both more closely linked to 17th Century English than modern UK English is - so if you believe that traditionalism is the way then the US actually speaks and spells more correctly than we do). Good luck with that. Perhaps you could consider changing your pants (that'll be referring to underwear for Americans and Northerners), leaving the house and realising that the world holds unending wonder for you, the like of which you've yet to classify and use to your benefit in arguments. Lovely people. X




KittenMonger (-2 Points) (+3, -5) 3 years ago

you have herpes




TheGreek (8 Points) (+8, -0) 3 years ago

you have harpes


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Grsk33 (7 Points) (+8, -1) 3 years ago

i think he assumed the comment came from the west because the offending comment used pounds as the method of currency. silly you.




B (0 Points) (+0, -0) 2 years ago

It's not an assumption since he used pounds. And spelled tumor with a "u". Aside from the snob, the joke was very funny. Thank you.




Fred (-4 Points) (+3, -7) 3 years ago

....get a sense of humor you tool




Fred (0 Points) (+3, -3) 3 years ago

I cannot believe one troll started all this shit! hahaha




Itsme! (-1 Points) (+3, -4) 3 years ago

arguing on the internet is like winning the special olympics, even though you won, your still a retard. =]




Itreallyisyou (0 Points) (+4, -4) 3 years ago

lol - the irony's almost unbearable




Sgt Hawka (0 Points) (+5, -5) 3 years ago

Lighten up Francis. It supposed to be funny.


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laurenmj9 (21 Points) (+24, -3) 3 years ago

FIRSTLY its spelled "tumor" here in america, which in no way makes anyone moronic..I was also a C-section and am in no way offended by this, and if you are so filthy rich why dont you help your sister out? It sounds like she is struggling..maybe thats just what an american would do..




person (-4 Points) (+5, -9) 3 years ago

really? moronic americans? yes, that is why we are a superpower. and YOU are the moronic one for thinking that your way is the only correct way of spelling.




Kit (-5 Points) (+3, -8) 3 years ago

Superpower America may be, hated by the rest of the free world for various reasons, not least of which includes fox news, glenn beck and the entire bible belt.




Sad (0 Points) (+0, -0) 2 years ago

I'm in the bible belt :( also am non-religious:( but I do have religious friends that are cool with it at least..




nick (4 Points) (+6, -2) 3 years ago

natural born people don't have to worry about jobs and apparently get laid often.




durka (14 Points) (+16, -2) 3 years ago

all grammar aside, i'm still trying to figure out how you get 8 million USD out of 90,000 pounds?




LB (1 Points) (+4, -3) 3 years ago

Actually it is 139,557.72 USD




UmDuh (0 Points) (+3, -3) 3 years ago

im trying to figure out how she could flunk out of highschool AND college....if she flunked out of highschool that kinda leaves the option to go to college out...




shmave (3 Points) (+5, -2) 3 years ago

yes, yes it is coincidence, you would have to be a total moron to suggest c-sections are somehow more inclined to success.




Kylee (14 Points) (+19, -5) 3 years ago

I am going to go ahead and assume that either (1) you aren't British and posted this as a joke, or (2) you are British and think Americans are complete idiots (and humorously that you aren't). I say this because £90k per annum is no where near $8million. It's closer to $140,000, although that's obviously not exact (I didn't bother looking it up). Also, if you're going to either act like a pompous Brit or actually be one, could you please attempt to maintain your air of superiority by using proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation in your reprimand. Allow me to help you: "Firstly, it’s spelled 'tumour'. Moronic Americans. Secondly, I was a C-section and currently own my own home, car, and have a job paying £90k per annum. (roughly $140,000 ;)) and my sister, who was spat out naturally, is on her third child after flunking school, and college, and has had 2 stints at her majesty's pleasure. Coincidence?" Don't forget your commas and apostrophes next time. Those are universal.




LB (-4 Points) (+0, -4) 3 years ago

If you are as smart as you think you are you know that your hypothesis concerning C-sections is nonsense.




KittenMonger (2 Points) (+3, -1) 3 years ago

MOUNTAIN FUCKING DEW! HOLY SHIT EXTREEEEEEEEEEME! AHHHHHH. GUNS AND SHIT!




BITCH (0 Points) (+0, -0) 1 year ago

Yes, fuck you and go to hell you squirmish little prick... us brits are way to stupid for americans... americans have invented most of our modern day technology so fuck off mate! How's that proper grammar?




1/10 (5 Points) (+8, -3) 3 years ago

babby's first troll




typical American (0 Points) (+3, -3) 3 years ago

I don't give a damn if you were Section 8. Mr. gurlicus, you are a loser with a lot of money and your sister seems to be getting laid more than you too. Remember that these moronic Americans are the reason you don't Sprechen Deutsch. A.hole




Heynow (4 Points) (+6, -2) 3 years ago

All 5 of my kids were "surgically removed", and they are wonderful young adults now. :) P.S. Agreed: dad-pwned!




Anonymous (-5 Points) (+10, -15) 3 years ago

I was born naturally... I broke my mums cunt so hard the crack went from her klitoris, down to her asshole, and i hear this story EVERYTIME my mum wants me to do something big.. I WISH I WAS A C-SECTION!!!




WHY?!?!! (9 Points) (+12, -3) 3 years ago

As a woman, I really wish that you had not shared that horrifying story...




Dark (0 Points) (+1, -1) 3 years ago

So she tells u this everytime she wants to do what exactly? Why are you there when she does? Just trying to figure out precisely what your mum and you could be doing together that would spur her on to tell you about how you made her vag bigger? Is this a twisted 'family fun' thing and you're just too small for her so she reminds you it's your own fault?




lubberz (-4 Points) (+2, -6) 3 years ago

that's actually really mean and people think it's awesome because they want others to feel shittier than they do. guess this comment won't be on for long since you hating assholes will say "this comment sucked" thank you!




Rae (1 Points) (+4, -3) 3 years ago

well you are all stupid, spelling doesnt matter and grammer doesnt either in my case. my bro was a c-section and he's one of the nicest guys ever (and im not saying that cos he's my bro) you all should stop complaining and arguing and just enjoy this joke cos its pretty damn funny!




Me-Mo (-1 Points) (+2, -3) 3 years ago

I agree,my son was a c-section.He is one of the coolest,and most laid back.20 year olds I have ever seen.Including some of my home boys from my younger days.His older brother is awsome too.




Brit (0 Points) (+4, -4) 3 years ago

Kylee, are you an Oxford don? If not you're seriously abusing the downright pathetically British 'Oxford Comma'...and no the comment wasn't even remotely funny in the first instance.




270 (1 Points) (+4, -3) 3 years ago

you people are retards




Bro (0 Points) (+1, -1) 3 years ago

Yup, you win!




agoes.rumbino (-2 Points) (+1, -3) 3 years ago

fantastik!!!!!!!




Wooow (3 Points) (+5, -2) 3 years ago

Learn to take a joke. How did this turn into a serious debate about c-section babies? Lighten up!




OMFG EPIC (-2 Points) (+4, -6) 3 years ago

OMFG this post has the BEST fucking comments XD like "this comment sucks" LOL i have officially laughed till almost death XD




C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER (0 Points) (+7, -7) 3 years ago

C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER




307 (-2 Points) (+4, -6) 3 years ago

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... (-5 Points) (+1, -6) 3 years ago

this is soo lame.... you call this funny?


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ubet (-4 Points) (+1, -5) 3 years ago

It was a funny joke to read. The other stuff is just kinda (notice the slang folks?) lame....boring.




8P (-5 Points) (+3, -8) 3 years ago

Wow...America a super power? On what planet?...oh right..the planet, we are in trillions of dollars of debt, screw our tax-payers in the ass for every dollar. Once gutted and tortured then the big..."100thousand dollar medical bill right up your butt?" just in case you decided to go in and stop a nose-bleed. Assassins of every major and influentially good leader that could have changed you into a "true" super-power. Topped with the most hated and stereotypical bulls-eye right smack in the eyes by every other country on planet....yup you guessed it..earth. Where we all live. Where we are all free. Change your motto from "Home of the free, land of the brave" to "Home of the Z (ion)-land of the slave." ciao baby




wutthewut. (3 Points) (+5, -2) 3 years ago

wut.


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Hello (-2 Points) (+3, -5) 3 years ago

euro-trash keepin on hatin lol. the only great thing that came from your country was the big book of british smiles. even the beatles sucked ass.




British (3 Points) (+10, -7) 3 years ago

If you think we're all proud of the beatles you're messed up. Can't even list the number of things you take for granted which were invented or discovered by Brits...Oh yeh, your whole political system (I know it sucks) including your beloved constitution...ever used a pencil?...British...used an LCD monitor or display? British, handheld TV...British, TV???...British, First TV Broadcast? British, Fax? SMS? Fibre Optics? GeoSat? discovery of radiowaves? typewriter? computer? Polyester clothing (bet you wear them), most modern forms of cotton weaving machine, DNA fingerprinting? Iris recognition? blast furnace? Steam turbine? Pram? collapsible buggy? vacuum cleaner(bag and bagless)? rubber band? fire extinguisher? light bulb (though I think the ancient egyptians had this one sewn)? light switch? Mouse trap? corkscrew? tin can? postage stamp? flushing toilet? electric toaster? magnifying glass? electric kettle? steel making techniques (stainless steel's English), just about every modern medical practise you benefit from, tanks, fighter aircraft, most types of explosive shell and naval development....you like movies? English invention the first movie cameras and projectors...locomotives (or trains to you)...never-ending list of scientific discoveries you probably don't even realise you're using every day...soccer/rugby/cricket/tennis/badminton/boxing/darts/table-tennis/bowls/field hockey/modern rock climbing format/paralympic games/modern olympic games format...first ever glee club (if you like that kind of thing)...oldest music festival, crosswords, lino, meccano, gas masks, steel ribbed umbrellas, plastic, plasticine, fizzy drinks, metric system, friction matches, YMCA, Scouts, first English translated bible, Silicone, vulcanised rubber.....jeesh that's just what a quick look at Wiki for the English inventions turned up (aaand I've shortened it by a mile!). You've also got the Scots/Welsh/Irish lists to add if you're talking British. I'm sure the US has invented all sorts of stuff too, just making a point to reply to you though.




Warty (6 Points) (+6, -0) 3 years ago

Who's that a-trip-trapping over myyyy bridge?!




KittenMonger (-1 Points) (+5, -6) 3 years ago

British also invented aids. all british people have aids. they also scrach their anus on furniture.




Lol u cck (0 Points) (+2, -2) 3 years ago

That's pathetic. U c0ck.




KittenTonguer (1 Points) (+1, -0) 2 years ago

...that would 'anuses' plural dear, plural




pedant (1 Points) (+1, -0) 2 years ago

....that would be 'be' dear, complete what you're saying...




Goodbye (1 Points) (+5, -4) 3 years ago

the big book of british smiles came from the Fox network...you really do wear that 'L' on your forehead well. The Beatles are like 40 odd years gone now so who cares. Virtually no American music makes it in the UK...it's sh1t...hmmm is that 'L' a sloppy brown one...yeh I believe it is, your mum must've put it there in your sleep.




Skippy (2 Points) (+5, -3) 3 years ago

Some of you people need to lighten up, seriously. I thought the original post was hilarious, but how the fuck did it turn into a pissing contest about America vs the rest of the world?




RIghtest (1 Points) (+5, -4) 3 years ago

it really wasn't that funny. Seriously. Probably didn't even happen. this site's utterly pointless. this post's utterly pointless. what's the point? I'm going to go find a rope and some valium.




not you (-4 Points) (+3, -7) 3 years ago

Hahaha! Bottum line is if you hate americans its because your not one! If you think that your better than any other person in this world that makes it clear that your not. And for all the hating going down i enjoyed the comment till you fukks screwed it up... as for proper grammer use it on a fukking essay not the internet. For example ths mssge is stll readble evn toghu its misng hlf the lttrs! Stop being stuck up rich people and blotting because you have daddy issues or something! Grow up! Great comment! Oh and fukk every other country! They don't like us because we live with more freedom then themselves...when you take over native american territory and push mexicans and canadians back across their part of this world then talk shit! Untill then we are americans and everyone in america including your people like it better here:)




352 (2 Points) (+3, -1) 3 years ago

i liked that until the last part. after that it became a bit hypocritical.




U Cck (0 Points) (+7, -7) 3 years ago

I really hope you're not serious! Freedom? Only country I've ever been to that required bio-id, retina scans, full body xrays...etc hmmm freedom eh...it's a gift...of the State. Joker.




1375 (-1 Points) (+1, -2) 3 years ago

........"Pushed Canadian's back"? Stupid God damn Americans.




Classic (1 Points) (+1, -0) 2 years ago

Can't let this one go...classic stupidity: "Hahaha! Bottum line is if you hate americans its because your not one!" So basically you're saying that everyone on the planet hates Americans...well done you. A realist at least.


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Chris (-1 Points) (+1, -2) 3 years ago

Macduff




mims (-1 Points) (+1, -2) 3 years ago

why so serious?




POO (1 Points) (+2, -1) 3 years ago

suck my poo




SmartPerson (0 Points) (+1, -1) 3 years ago

Okay, everybody, stop complaining! It's a JOKE, it's not literally saying that kids who are born that way are anything like tumors at all. Get a sense of humor, freaks.




kornor (1 Points) (+2, -1) 3 years ago

kids are STD's if you think about it lol. Wonderful Fun and miraculous ones but STD's none the less :P




Natural Bith (0 Points) (+1, -1) 3 years ago

84 people weren't born naturally!




KittenMonger (0 Points) (+2, -2) 3 years ago

sometimes i touch myself to dolpins...bitch




DolphinBoy (1 Points) (+1, -0) 2 years ago

Waaahhhh you freak!! If you mean dolphins then I, as a dolphin boy, am extremely worried by your cross-species gayness, if you really mean you touch yourself whilst thinking about pins that hold dolls together and you just can't spell (or your brain has ceased to work) then you carry on buddy, that's just too weird for the rest of us.




Warty (6 Points) (+6, -0) 3 years ago

Oh please no. Please don't stop this perfect thread. It's got it all; a complete lack of substance, no real points made, kids arguing over unsubtantiated cr4p, US/UK rivalry (jokers - the US is basically British, we still think they're d1cks but apparently the feeling's completely mutual, live with it, to the rest of the world we're all d1cks), and my favourite...people who've posted to a site called 'Crazy Things Parents Text' with completely earnest arguments and comments about the content...really...seriously? Jerry Springer would be too good for them - that's how low we're all stooping by getting involved. This is the absolute bottom. There is no further down to go. Don't bother scratching around for a ladder down, there ain't one. Now all of you can just F**K OFF




Trollerific (0 Points) (+1, -1) 2 years ago

...hmm must be a c-section Brit...




Terriferoll (0 Points) (+0, -0) 2 years ago

I'm thinking an irate American...check the part "(jokers - the US is basically British, we still think they're d1cks but apparently the feeling's completely mutual, live with it, to the rest of the world we're all d1cks)" can't possibly be about us :0)




2621 (0 Points) (+0, -0) 2 years ago

Wtf. All the shit above me from internet freakz (yes, I did just purposefully use a "z"). Cut the crap fools.




2622 (0 Points) (+0, -0) 2 years ago

...and 'aaahhhh' there lies the trap into which we all fall - you my friend are now just another number on the list here - there is no rising above a flame war by posting to it, the only possible way of keeping your head above 'freakz' waters is to stay silent...you just had to open your mouth to look big dincha?! ;)




whoa (0 Points) (+0, -0) 2 years ago

did you know that you can like things repeatedly?! It's awesome.




zanava (0 Points) (+0, -0) 1 year ago

the only drugs on earth that cure genital herpes is aduron B1 herbal drugs i have used it and cure my herpes.. just email indianspell@yahoo.com to get yours.


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